A Christmas perspective. (Make sure you're not eating)
A customer we refer to as 'the Princess' was complaining about her $50K wine room not working properly and her bonehead husband getting her flowers at Safeway instead of some fancy florist. Really? So I told her this story. I probably shouldn't have, but it got her to leave me alone. Yes this really happened

Twas the week before Christmas and at my fun house
The oldest turned 20 and freaked out my spouse.
And what better way to soothe savage beasts
than a traditional Olive Garden Holiday feast!
The Honda tilts right when big Mitch climbs in
but we can't deny pizza to that sweet happy grin.
Salad(yea right), lasagna, bread sticks galore
Desert? HA! We couldn't take anymore!
Suddenly Mitch is slapping his neck,
Which means it's re-flux, his innards a wreck!
I sign for the men's room, we go with a clatter
But re-flux wasn't the only thing the matter.
He lets out a yell from the handicap stall
I open the door-it's all over the wall.
I frantically clean with whats left of the paper
Try not to gag use the empty roll as a scraper
What to my wondering eyes do I see?
The potty is plugged with the chocolate debris.
As his tummy becomes the worlds loudest grumbler
My very own hand becomes an emergency plunger.
I'm frantic I'm freakin in frig-gin brown plaster
Hoping no one will see this utter disaster,
When what is the sweetest sound to my ears
But Branden's dear voice saying 'what's up in here?'
"Branden please hurry to the booth next to me,
Pull off the paper and slide it to my feet!"
4 flush 5 flush 6 flush  7
This better get me that ticket to Heaven.
Paper towel baths as the big boy complained
Walked out smiling our dignity sustained.
Clean as a whistle down to the corrosion
But why in public must there be such explosions?
I know it's a mess but why would I say
That I really couldn't have it any other way?
I make my living from people, you see,
Who buy stuff no one on earth really needs
If I'm not always up to my eyeballs in shit
I would not understand the life others don't  get.
I don't really say much without a few beers
I'm a little too focused on what really endears.
So take heed you clueless,wounded, the like,
You've got to know darkness to see any light.
If things are more sacred than the savior of man,
Then Merry Christmas anyway, I've done all I can.
ps
And don't feel bad for me, I'm all in grins,
My friend Kelly Krei, has Autistic twins.(Kellykrei.com)